the story of almost not being able to pay salaries

Culture is not the lifeblood of a company. It is not Ideas. It is not innovation or open communication.

It is cash.

Even with the best minds working hand in hand in complete harmony, churning out the best ideas, if you ran out of cash - the company is dead. So let us call a spade a spade, we all are (and need to) chase “the money”. May it be investment money or revenue money, we all need to hustle our way into ingesting as much to survive.

It is true that most of us build our startups to change the world or at least solve a problem. We wake up each day in-love with that problem, hacking ways around it to solve it in hopes it would make the world a better place, or at least a little more live-able.

I am not preaching, I am also convincing myself as I write this entry, and I do that personal conversation every morning. As much I hate to admit it, I am not (or at least not only) the savior of consumer data gathering, I am (also) a barren hearted-cold blooded-money hungry business person.

It was around late May last year when this reality just punched me square in the face. It was the third week and our bank account does not match the salaries we need to disburse.

Our bills for that month:

outsourced programmers (paid through post dated checks cleared every first week)

rewards for tasks that are not paid for by our clients

discounts we give clients to try us for the first time (resulting again to tasks that are not fully backed)

YT influencers to continue driving hustlers in the app

salaries

(no office yet so big whoop)

Don’t get me wrong, I know my financial numbers. I have a meticulously planned out PnL for the year. I also know that our bank account is bound to hit bottom that August, though I think that is worse? I knew weeks ahead this would happen, but for some stupid reason I really can’t pin down, I keep on brushing it aside focusing on other things I thought needed more attention, like our tech, our operations, our business development, marketing even, everything except balancing our checkbook.

I do not know if this is shared by other founders, but I just get a lot of anxiety whenever I have to look at our Gsheet live financials. There is this energy that pulls me away from it, maybe at the back of my head I was thinking that it would sort itself out? I don’t know. But whatever it was/is, one thing is for sure, it is clear bad business management on my end.

I met my team on calls, had face to face meetings on coffee shops, I had to look them in the eye and act as if nothing is wrong. Well, it was not that difficult because I too am trying to forget/convince myself that nothing is wrong, but the asteroid is already in the atmosphere.

I remembered that Thursday when our (outsourced) accountant sent a message to me in Telegram asking if there are any client checks to clear before the end of the month. F*ck, of course I lied to her. I can’t have her gossip to my team that their boss is one irresponsible sh*t. Such a self centered thing to think of, of course I would not be their first thought. It would be their bills getting unpaid, hanging credit card dues dumped with interest and all the things they should not have been worrying about if I just tried to focus on this from the beginning.

I had 10 days left. Ten f-ing days to come up with the salaries of my team, and just now that I am trying to think of a plan.

I checked my personal bank account. I messaged every investor I can find in the internet. Tried to borrow from friends and family. Inquired for bank loans.

My personal bank account is sh*t. I am not liquid, just bought a house.

Investors were either not replying, not interested since we are a niche they are not touching or they are at a halt since the economy was still reviving from the pandemic.

Friends and family also had their own bills to pay.

Banks do not want anything to do with us.

6 days left.

My team still working hard in oblivion.

I am still a big liar.

As you may have noticed, I really hate looking at the PnL and financials at a whole (at least at that time). I hated the feel of impending doom. But I just stared and flipped the tabs as if the numbers would change for a whole f-ing day.

The numbers did not change. But I noticed something.

In one instantaneous moment, I felt like the smartest and stupidest person in the world. We had a project that was executed a couple of months back that was due for payment. This was a big conglomerate that usually takes 2 months to release their check, so given the big gap before payment and my stupid disregard to check the financials regularly (at least at that time) I get to forget check collection.

I called my sales guy to contact our client if the check was ready for pick-up.

I prayed. Yes. I closed my eyes, clasped my hands and mouthed the words.

*ring*

“Boss, the check is for pick-up na.”

The only feeling I can compare it too is the feeling I had in college when my girlfriend would message me that she had her period already after a long delay.

We picked up the check immediately and deposited. Just PHP27,000 beyond our needed amount to pay salaries. We held on to the VAT first.

I remembered the lies I told God during college of not having premarital sex again, I am not to commit the same.

Starting then, our PnL is my first and last thing I see everyday. When I poop and before I sleep.

Painful at most times (not the pooping) to see the numbers. Scary to be always reminded of impending doom. But I had to face the music. Money is the lifeblood. No matter how good our service is, we would die without cashflow.

But of course, I just survived for a month. So the race to survive and swim was just starting.